end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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