we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
