How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Send help, water and tortillas.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
