and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
