I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize