My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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