That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
