When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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