I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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