I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
