Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
