Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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