I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
