Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just threw up on my dentist
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
