Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
