I think I died a long time ago.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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