Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
