she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
