So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
