I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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