Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
