My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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