Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
