Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
