Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
