At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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