i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
