Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
