you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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