he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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