If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
