he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
