If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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