And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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