I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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