There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
