This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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