i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
