The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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