Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
