I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
