Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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