me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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