You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
