my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
