Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
