Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
