just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
