Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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