You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
