this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
