She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
try to milk me bitch
Randomize