I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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