Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
