New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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