Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
