what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
