Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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