I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
