i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
