it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
