yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
