Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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