I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
