So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
