Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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