cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
