Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
