Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
