i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
