I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
