We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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